Lin P

   The knowledge that he was safe in his home again did not save Starsky from his demons. They still danced and whistled in the corners of his brain.

   He'd spent the last four days on leave regaining his strength - or most of it. Nights were spent waking up in cold sweats then walking the floors till his heart slowed and he could lay down again. By the time morning light filtered into the apartment he'd be more exhausted than the night before.

   When he'd been found and brought home Starsky had adamantly insisted to Hutch he would be fine on his own. Even so, every day and every evening Hutch came by. And with each visit he saw his partner sink a little lower. Shadows appeared under Starsky's eyes and his face paled with fatigue. Every morning Hutch found him more subdued than the day before, more withdrawn till he said almost nothing.

   This morning was no different. When Hutch let himself in he found his partner sitting in the living room, staring off into space. Starsky didn't even turn his head when Hutch approached him.

   "Hey there." Hutch said as he stood in front of him. "Another bad night?"

   A small shrug was his only answer.

   "I brought you some breakfast." Hutch said with a smile as he held up a paper bag. "Bagels and cheese and coffee."

   When Starsky showed no interest Hutch couldn't hide his grimace. Another day of not eating. Barely speaking.

   "Come on, Starsk." Hutch said as he sat down beside him. He reached into the bag and put the food on the coffee table in front of them. "You've got to eat."

   Starsky shook his head slowly, a small look of bother on his face. "No."

   Hutch sighed in resignation. He rose off the couch and began to pace the room. Frowning in thought, his eyes darted to Starsky a few times. Then he was standing over his friend again.

   "Look at me." He said.

   Starsky seemed not to hear him.

   Hutch bent down and gripped Starsky's shoulders. Dull, haunted eyes slowly raised to meet his.

   "You trust me?" Hutch asked.

   Starsky only gazed at him.

   "Do you trust me?" Hutch repeated in a louder voice.

   "Yes." Came the whispered answer.

   "Okay. You can't go on like this. We have to do something..."

   Starsky tried to shrug Hutch's hands off.

   Hutch shook his arms. "Listen! We're going to do it my way." He spoke firmly as his eyes bored into Starsky's. "Starting with right now. Now eat something."

   Starsky glared silently at him for a moment then reached for the food. Hutch sat in a chair and watched him eat over half the bagel before he put it down again. When Hutch saw he was done he stood up.

   "Alright, now you're going to have a shower." He announced.

   About to argue, Starsky couldn't find the strength. He rose and followed his partner.

   Half an hour later Hutch looked up as Starsky re-entered the living room, showered and in clean clothes.

   "There...that's better." Hutch said with a smile.

   "Hutch," Starsky said wearily, "I'm okay. So...why don't you just go on?...Huh?" Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to lay down and close his eyes. Not sleep and risk more of the hideous nightmares, just rest for a while.

   "Nope." Hutch said as he rose and headed for the door. "Let's go."

   Starsky looked at him with aggravation. "Where?"

   "Just come with me."

   They stood and watched the security guard fiddle with his large key-ring. The jing-a-lings of the many keys resounded and echoed in Starsky's head. He watched the large hand reach, in dream-like slow motion, towards the lock. No, don't, he pleaded though no one heard him. His heart thudded its protest as the old wooden door creaked heavily open.

   "Remember." The guard said. "I'll be across the street when you're done."

   "Okay, thanks." Hutch said.

   As the guard walked away, Hutch turned to look at his partner. "Well...ready?"

   Starsky was staring at the faded sign over the door. 'Civic Zoo'. "No." He said quietly.

   Hutch put a hand on his shoulder. "Right beside you, Starsk."

   Starsky looked past the doorway, spying the abandoned interior. His chest began to constrict. Then he felt fingers squeeze his shoulder, warm and live.

   "Okay." He finally said in a breath and stepped through.

   The summer sun beamed down at sharp angles, striking one half of the dusty walkway with brightness and leaving the other in forlorn, dark shadows. Though not far outside the city was noisily bustling, here silence pervaded and added to the eerie, far removed feeling of the place.

   Starsky began his slow journey through the deserted labyrinth, Hutch a step behind as he watched his partner take in the neglected surroundings again. Not a word was said as they weaved their way through open-air paths, in and out of dark passageways. With measured steps and cautious glances Starsky was rediscovering his prison. Suddenly, at a cross path, he halted. As he gazed down one direction Hutch saw that his expression was frozen and was holding his breath. Starsky quickly turned on his heels and went the other way.

   Less than a moment later they emerged from another stone tunnel to find themselves standing in a pit of some kind. Hutch's eyes roamed around the enclosure then up the tall walls. He looked over to Starsky. His partner's head was tilted upwards, his jaws clenched so tight Hutch could see a slight tremble in them. Whether the trembling was in fear or anger, Hutch couldn't tell.

   "Starsky?"

   With a hooded glance towards the blond man, Starsky moved on.

   At last the maze gave way. The path they were on widened ahead, opening into brightness and blue sky. As they stepped onto the grass Starsky seemed relieved to be out, his tight features relaxing. Hutch was about to say something when Starsky froze. Hutch's eyes followed his partner's gaze. Just ahead, encircled by trees, was the platform. Made of huge slabs of concrete it rose a few feet above the ground. A large metal cage provided a skeletal canopy over it. From the base of the cage they looked up, followed the thick bars towards the center, and spotted the remains of a knotted rope dangling in the breeze.

   Starsky stood silently for a long time, fighting back the night, and then he surrendered, letting it come to blot out the sun. Though they were the only two there, he saw everything as if he were captive again, strung up before the robed figures. He saw the shrouded faces, demons in the spinning leaves and blinding light. He heard their loud voices shouting, becoming frantic for his sacrifice. He saw the bright glint on the knife's edge as it arced upwards.

   He didn't know he was weeping until after his throat closed and he had to struggle for breath. He fell to his knees, struggling to release the terrible flood of rage and horror.

   His face was buried against a warm chest. He pressed into it, trying to blunt the merciless sensations. He groped the air and a hand grasped his and pulled it tight between them.

   Eventually, slowly, the terror weakened then reluctantly released its grip, taking its anger with it. It had so filled Starsky he was left drained and empty. All he could do was close his wet eyes.

   He wasn't aware of how long they were there, but finally Hutch was pulling him up.

   Hutch peered into Starsky's haggard face as he held his shoulders.

   "Okay?" Hutch whispered.

   A small nod. After a few deep breaths Starsky found his voice.

   "In my dreams," He began quietly, "their flames filled the world, and they were bigger than any man could be. They were these... beasts." He paused and when he went on Hutch could hear new strength in his voice.

   "They're dangerous, hate-filled men, Hutch. But for all their ugliness, that's all that they are... just men."

   Hutch drew Starsky into an embrace again.

   "You're alright, buddy." He said reassuredly as he gently clapped his friend on the back a few times.

   "I'm tired, Hutch..." Starsky mumbled into his shoulder, "...I'm so, so tired."

   "I know... let's go home, Starsky."

THE END