Disclaimer: I don't own the guys, sure wish I did, and certainly won't make any money on this story, for Starsky and Hutch fans' enjoyment only.
Comments about this story can be sent to: Huskyandstarch@aol.com

Hutch's Heartaches #13

By

Linda C

   Hard to believe it is already October 31st. I find myself dividing this year into the time before Starsky got shot and the time after the shooting. Only, over the last few weeks, have I begun to think about including the rest of the world in my day to day life again. Even now, Starsky is my number one priority, his needs coming before anyone or anything else. I would not allow any invasion into our world. I had effectively built a wall of protection and comfort around Starsky, giving him a place to recover both emotionally and physically where only 'me and thee' were allowed. Gunther was in jail and wasn't getting out in his lifetime and my partner was beginning to heal.

   "Hey, Starsk, where are you?"

   "Out here in the jungle, Hutch."

   I smiled to myself and walked out into the greenhouse to join my partner.

   "Man, Franklin doesn't look so good. Some of his leaves are yellow and have even fallen off." Starsky opened up his hand and showed me a dozen or so dead leaves. Shaking his head, he chuckled softly, and with tired pain-wracked eyes, smiled at me. "Poor plant looks a lot like me."

   "Yeah, buddy, I know what you're saying." Starsky moved closer and leaned into me and I reached out gently, pulling him against me, his head almost instantly finding my shoulder and using it as a pillow.

   "Speaking of which, you up to going out and getting a pumpkin for tonight?"

   "Sure, I'm not going to feel a whole lot better anytime soon, I'll be okay. Don't worry so much."

   "Your jacket, Starsk?"

   "Awe, Hutch, the sun is shining and it's a beautiful warm southern California day out there..."

   "Won't work, partner, it's not that warm, and if you get sick now along with everything else you're dealing with, I'd never forgive myself. Put it on, babe, for me...please?"

   Puppy dog eyes looked up at me briefly before looking down at the floor. "You're right, don't need anymore problems to add to what I already have."

   Still needing help with the simplest of things, I bent down to tie the shoe strings on his Adidas, and then straightened back up to help him into his old leather bomber jacket. It was painful for me to watch how difficult it still was for him to reach back and put his arms into the sleeves of his jacket. An intake of breath told me Starsky was hurting plenty this morning.

   "Hey, babe, pain pills haven't kicked in at all yet?"

   He looked down at his shoes and let out a sigh. "Not going out all doped up. I'll take the damn things when we get back home. I'll be all right."

   "How about taking a couple of aspirins, then?"

   "Hutch, no, I'll deal with it."

   "Okay, but you don't mind if I take the pills with us, do you?"

   "Nope, not if it'll make you feel better. Can we go now, 'Mom'?"

~~~~~~~~~~

   The sign over the entrance to the pumpkin patch read:  Parents, let your children pick their own pumpkins

   Starsky's eyes lit up when he saw the sign. "Hey, this is great. We really get to pick the one we want." Such a simple and enthusiastic comment from my partner but it warmed my heart to hear it.

   "Starsk, you mean, when you were a kid, you didn't do this on Halloween?"

   "Nope, a pumpkin just showed up on our kitchen table. Maw would clean it out for us 'cause I wouldn't stick my hands in it. My Dad would hold this huge knife, his hands over mine, and we would make a jack-o-lantern out of it. Since my Maw always shopped at the A & P, I used to think that's where all pumpkins came from."

   "Well, come on, city boy. This time you get to pick out the one you want and, I guarantee you, this one didn't come from a grocery store."

   In his excitement over the prospect of finding that one special pumpkin, Starsky moved much too fast for his still healing body and fell back against the car seat with his head resting on the car's headrest. A slow moan escaped, his face a mask of pain.

   "Oh, man, that was dumb. Shit...it hurts."

   I quickly knelt down in front of the open car door of the Tomato and watched Starsky's painful facial expressions, changing as one wave of pain after another clutched at his body.

   "Hey, take it easy, buddy. Let's wait till the pain eases up some and then please let me help you out of the car. You've got to take it slow."

   "Yeah, I forget sometimes just how messed up I still am inside."

   I slowly rubbed his arm up and down just the way I had done so many nights in the hospital when either the pain medication hadn't kicked in yet or it wasn't working at all.

   "Did you really bring my pills?"

   I patted my jacket pocket.

   "Right here, anytime you want them, just say the word."

   "Not just yet. It's okay, but I hate to admit it, I don't think I can get out of this car by myself right now."

   "No problem there, partner, that's what I'm here for."

   The pain Starsky was still in crushed his desire for independence and he let me help him out of the car.

   With one arm around his waist, and my other arm supporting his left arm, we started walking through the pumpkin patch. After slowly walking down the first few rows, Starsky stopped.

   "I want that one."

   "Could you narrow that down a little bit for me, partner? Which one is that one?"

   "That one, the one at the end of the row."

   "You want that real fat and squatty looking one?"

   I'd heard all about Charlie Brown Christmas trees so this pumpkin had to be a Charlie Brown pumpkin.

   "Yeah, that's the one. Ya know, it looks a lot like Dobey."

   We both laughed.

   "I wouldn't let the Captain hear you say that."

   I paid the lot boy to carry the 'chosen one' so I could walk with Starsky back to the car. He let out an audible sigh of relief as he sat down in the seat.

   "Tired," was all he said.

   "Yeah, I know, babe." And I also know that you're in a lot of pain. I can hear it in your voice and I can see it in your eyes.

   "Okay, we'll stop by Cal Foods and I'll run in to get some candy for tonight along with a soda for you so you can take your pills."

~~~~~~~~~~

   As I parked the car in the lot at the grocery store, Starsky turned to me.

   "I'll go in with you, Hutch."

   "No, partner, you stay in the car and wait for me, only be a few minutes."

   "As much as I hate to admit it, that's probably a better idea. I don't feel much like getting up and out of this car more than I have to right now."

   I headed for the grocery store.

   "Hey, Hutch?"

   I turned back towards Starsky.

   "What, Starsk?"

   "Be sure and get some candy apples for the kids too and don't get any of that weird health food candy stuff they got. Don't want to make any of the trick or treaters sick."

   I turned back around and continued into the store smiling to myself at Starsky's comments.

~~~~~~~~~~

   After getting home from the grocery store, my partner laid down on the couch and, within minutes, was deeply asleep, getting some much needed respite from the almost constant pain he was in during his waking hours. I pulled the ever-present afghan from the back of the couch, covered him with it and slipped a pillow under his head. I reached down and gently removed the Adidas, tossing them under the coffee table. I couldn't resist running my hands through the thick brown curls that framed his face. I had told myself that I was checking him for a fever when I did this but I think I really just wanted to feel the warmth of life under my hands, reassuring me that he was still here. Starsky slept away most of the afternoon, the pain pills doing their job. I wanted him to sleep as long as he possibly could. Sleep meant his body was healing.

   Almost three hours later, we were seated at the kitchen table with the pumpkin in the middle of it sitting on some old newspapers.

   "Hey, Starsk, you gonna carve that thing or are you gonna...hey, what's the matter? You seem like you're a million miles away."

   He shrugged his shoulders and stared down at his hands in his lap.

   "Last time I did this was with my Dad. You'd think after all these years, it wouldn't bother me so much." Another shrug. "But, it still does."

   "Well, what do you say to 'Me and Thee' starting our own tradition tonight?"

   "Yeah, I think I'd like that. My Dad's gone but I've got so much more 'cause you're here now."

   Starsky picked up the knife and started to cut into the pumpkin, but had barely cut into it when his left hand started to tremble, and he put the knife back down on the table. Without any words being said between us, I reached for his hand and he picked up the knife. With my hand wrapped around his, we carved the pumpkin together. I let him guide the knife where he wanted to make the cuts and I exerted the pressure that was needed to cut into the thick skin of the pumpkin. He still had a lot of weakness in his upper body resulting from tendons and muscles and bones being shattered by Gunther's bullets. Together, we made a jack-o-lantern much the same way that Starsky and his Dad had made one so many years ago.

   "Hey, Hutch, what do we do with the stuff you scooped out of this thing?"

   "We'll just put the bowl in the fridge for now."

   After cleaning up the mess off of the kitchen table, I put our masterpiece on the windowsill. Later on, we would light it, as soon as we started seeing the trick or treaters.

~~~~~~~~~~

   Starsky was definitely right at home sitting in a lawn chair in the doorway of the house handing out fistfuls of candy and candy apples to each trick or treater. It made my heart feel good to see him enjoying himself so much...until...two trick or treaters ran up the sidewalk towards us dressed up in dark blue soldier type uniforms, toy machine guns blazing white fire. The two play soldiers stopped in front of us holding out their bags and yelling 'trick or treat'. All my partner saw were the toy machine guns aimed right at us. His face had lost what little color it had in it and he dropped the bowl of candy to the ground. The noise of the bowl hitting the sidewalk brought Starsky back to the present and out of the police garage, back to the two innocent trick or treaters. One of the kids picked up the dropped bowl of candy and handed it back to Starsky.

   "Sorry, mister, didn't mean to scare you. Thanks." And off they went to the next house.

   I put my hand on his shoulder. "Starsk, you okay?"

   "Yeah, I'm fine."

   He shook his head and squeezed my hand that was still on his shoulder. "Talk about flashbacks."

   We handed out a few more treats to a couple of late trick or treaters and then called it a night.

   Looking up and down the nearly deserted street, the only jack-o-lantern still burning brightly was the one in our window.

~~~~~~~~~~

   The next morning:

   Something was missing...I looked again at the bowl of pumpkin meat. No seeds...no seeds?...

   "Starsky, where are all the seeds?"

   "Seeds?, I planted 'um."

   "You 'planted' them. You planted them...where did you plant them?"

   "In the dirt," he replied, never looking away from the TV.

   "What, where...what dirt? The only dirt I know of around here is in my greenhouse...Starsky!"

   THE END